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August 30, 2005
Math for Believers: 'Deometry' is Hot Subject for Fall
Forget about isosceles triangles and the Pythagorean Theorem—they're square. The hottest trend in high-school math these days is deometry, the study of how the Creator created points, lines, angles, shapes and proofs. While critics decry the entry of religion into math class, fans of the new teaching method maintain that by giving God a primary role in geometry and other fields of mathematics, they are merely restoring balance to an area that has sought to remove all vestiges of religion from the public polygon.
'On the fourth day God created the triangle'
By Cole Walters
TOPEKA, KS—It's back to school time and for Topeka High School freshmen that means geometry, a form of mathematics that has bedeviled high-school students since the beginning of time. But this year, the freshman class will be introduced to something different: deometry, the study of how the Creator created points, lines, angles, shapes and proofs.
Math for Deommies
First on the Deometry 101 agenda: understanding what deometry means. While geometry comes from two Greek words: 'geo' meaning 'earth' and 'metron' meaning 'measure,' the new class incorporates a Latin root, 'deo,' meaning God. "The problem we ran into is that you can't measure the earth without crediting God with having created it," explains Topeka High math teacher and golf coach Mac Bresnahan.
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Creating the earth, inventing the circle
While Mr. Bresnahan has been teaching geometry at the school for nearly 30 years, he notes that he had become increasingly frustrated with a field that all but ignored the role of a Creator. "I'd be teaching the kids how to find the center of a circle using a compass and somebody would raise their hand and ask 'well who invented the circle?'" Mr. Bresnahan recalls. "I'd want to tell the truth, that it was God, but that's against Topeka High policy."
Religion and the public polygon
But Topeka High policy has changed thanks to a new push by conservative Christian members of the Kansas school board to get His role recognized throughout the K-12 curriculum, from science classes that incorporate Intelligent Design, to deometry, to 'deoconomics,' the study of the allocation of scarce resources that assumes that God is the "invisible hand" that powers the motor of the US economy. The school board is also reportedly considering a measure that would allow high school seniors to substitute Bible study for driver education classes.
Rethinking the Pythagorean Theorem 
For the freshmen lucky enough to take Deometry 101 with Mr. Bresnahan, scoring a good grade depends on their ability to comprehend God's role as creator of points, lines, angles and shapes. Later in the semester, for example, Mr. Bresnahan plans to introduce the Pythagorean Theorem—Pythagoras' 2000-year-old discovery about the relationship among the squares on the sides of a right triangle—but with a twist. Whereas students in the past students would have used Pythagoras' Theorem to solve problems involving right triangles, now they'll learn something more basic: that God created the triangle, the leg and the hypotenuse.
"The classic way of teaching Pythagoras is to say that a^2 + b^2 = c^2 and have students solve for 'c,'" explains Bresnahan. "Now we're teaching students something much more essential: how to solve for 'G.'"
In what other high school courses should His role be emphasized? Talk back to Cole Walters.
August 30, 2005 | Permalink | Comments (16) | TrackBack
August 25, 2005
Broke White House Rushes to File for Bankruptcy
The White House is rushing to have its debts erased, just weeks before the Bankruptcy Abuse Prevention and Consumer Protection Act is scheduled to go into effect. By filing now, the Bush Administration avoids the law's tough new penalties, including mandatory repayment and court-ordered financial counseling. Sources close to the White House say that the Administration began having trouble paying its bills after the President burned through most of his political capital.
Political capital borrowed at interest rates of 18%
By Deanna Swift
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 President's Remarks  view |
WASHINGTON, DC—The White House is officially bankrupt. That’s what advisors to the President are saying after the Bush Administration moved to have its debts erased, just weeks before a tough new bankruptcy law goes into effect. By filing now, the White House can climb out from under its unpaid debts and declare a fresh start under chapter 7 of the bankruptcy code.
Avoiding a strict new law
That’s good news for the Bush Administration, say financial advisors. If the White House had waited until October 1st to declare bankruptcy, much tougher standards would have applied, thanks to the Bankruptcy Abuse Prevention and Consumer Protection Act signed into law by President Bush last April.
White House above the median income
Under the new law, debtors who earn more than the median income in their state and can repay at least $6000 of their debt over five years will no longer be able to have their debts wiped out. With the median income in Washington, DC slightly more than $46,000, the White House obviously falls into that category, say experts. Under the new provisions, the Bush Administration would also be forced to enroll in a court-supervised financial-counseling program, something advisors say that the President wants to avoid. "He obviously doesn't want somebody telling him how much he can spend or telling him that he's got to live within his means," says one source close to the White House.
White House 'living near the edge'
Sources close to the White House say that the Administration began having trouble paying its bills 
after Mr. Bush started spending the political capital he believed he had earned in his contest with Democratic contender John Kerry. Feeling flush with cash, say experts, Mr. Bush began to display a behavior typical of many bankrupt Americans: he lived beyond his means. He even began risking his retirement savings on risky get-rich-quick schemes. Describes one onlooker: "The phone was ringing at the White House all day and all night as collection agents called wanting to know when they were going to get their money. It was a very tense situation."
Second thoughts about a bill
Mr. Bush was reportedly very excited about the changes in the bankruptcy bill until he realized that some of the tough new penalties would likely to apply to him. Now, say sources close to the White House, he is particularly concerned about the law's language concerning serial filers--people who have filed for bankruptcy on more than one occasion. "Frankly, he's had some financial problems in the past and he's always had other people who were willing and able to bail him out. Now the new law says that it's not up to society to pay his debts."
Losing the White House
If he declares bankruptcy within the next few weeks, say experts, Mr. Bush's assets will be liquidated and given to creditors, while many of his remaining debts will be cancelled, giving him a fresh start. If he waits until the new law goes into effect, Mr. Bush will likely lose whatever equity he has in the White House. The new law says that in order to qualify for a homestead exemption, a bankruptcy filer must live in the home for a majority of the time. Since Mr. Bush has spent much of his Presidency at his second home in Crawford, TX, say observers, he would likely fail to meet that standard.
Do you think that President Bush should consider attending a money management class? Talk back to Deanna Swift.
August 25, 2005 | Permalink | Comments (0) | TrackBack
August 22, 2005
Americans Most Likely to Go to Heaven, Study Shows
A new study shows that there are more Americans in Heaven than there are individuals from any other country. The study, based on registration data collected over a period of five years, confirms what many Americans have long believed: that they are more likely than their counterparts from most other countries to ascend to Heaven upon leaving this world.
French, Dutch least likely to make skyward trek
By Cole Walters
COLORADO SPRINGS, CO—A new study released this week confirms what many Americans have long suspected: that they are more likely than people from other countries to go to Heaven. The study found that nearly 75% of the people currently in Heaven were originally American citizens. By contrast, the same researchers found that Hell, largely avoided by Americans, is populated mostly by Europeans including large numbers of French, Dutch, and Danish.
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English only please
The study, conducted by the Family Research Institute in Colorado Springs, CO, was based on registration data collected at the entry to the Kingdom of Heaven between 1999 and 2004. Researchers discarded registration materials that were filled out in languages other than English, that language that the Bible was written in. They also eliminated Heaven entrance forms that were completed in English but indicated a non-US originating address, including those from the United Kingdom, Australia, Jamaica, and New Zealand.
Deomagraphics
In addition to analyzing the country of origin of Heaven's newest residents, researchers also examined their personal histories, including their party affiliation, where in the US they resided prior to moving skyward and what type of vehicle they drove while still on earth. The researchers concluded that Republicans were twice as likely as Democrats to get into Heaven, and that residents of rural areas and the so-called "flyover country" were more likely than urban dwellers to inherit the earth. New entrants were not asked on their registration materials to identify themselves as "meek."
No big surprises here
Researchers said that they were not surprised by the results of their study, given the fact that the United States was founded on Judeo-Christian principles. "It had been our strong sense all along that Americans would turn out to be over-represented when we went in and looked at the demographic data," notes Dr, Steve Myer, director of research at the Bible Institute. "And that's exactly what we found when we ran the numbers."
Behind the numbers
What accounts for the strong presence of Americans in Heaven? Afterlife analysts say that Americans are more likely than citizens of other countries to find themselves bound for eternal happiness because they are Christian, God's chosen religion. Add to that the fact that most Americans support positions that Jesus Christ would likely endorse were He alive today—including welfare reform, the death penalty and a ban on stem cell research—and the over-representation of US-born citizens in the New Jerusalem is no mystery, say experts.
Next up: Hell
Family Research Institute experts say that next up they will turn their attention to the place of eternal suffering where many Europeans are thought to reside: Hell. They admit, though, that determining the makeup of the land of evildoers will likely be considerably more difficult than their successful Heavenly regression. "For one thing, the record keeping isn't nearly as good," notes Dr. Myer. "You're also dealing with a lot of different languages: French, Dutch, Danish." Dr. Myer is currently recruiting graduate students in the Liberal Arts as well as UN interpreters to help him complete the research.
Would you change your party affiliation or move to a different part of the country if it boosted your odds on getting into Heaven? Talk back to colewalters1@yahoo.com
August 22, 2005 | Permalink | Comments (3) | TrackBack
August 19, 2005
Poll: Most Blame Cindy Sheehan for High Gas Prices
According to a recent poll, most Americans place the blame for skyrocketing prices at the pump squarely at the feet of anti-war activist Cindy Sheehan. The poll found that Americans were more likely to blame Mrs. Sheehan for their gasoline woes than they were illegal aliens, homosexuals, child molesters or Democrats.
Prices said to be highest within 100 mile radius of Mrs. Sheehan's protest
By Deanna Swift
WACO, TX—Prices at the gas pump have been surging through the all important summer driving season. But whose fault is it that our Ford Excursions and Cadillac Escalades are so expensive to fill? A new poll may finally have the answer to a question that has so many Americans pumping mad. [Click thumbnail right to view the "Sheehan effect".]
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The results of the poll confirm that most Americans place the blame for skyrocketing prices at the pump squarely at the feet of anti-war activist Cindy Sheehan. Energy analysts say that the poll's conclusions aren't surprising. Since Mrs. Sheehan began her protest against the Iraq war near the ranch of President George W. Bush, oil prices have shot up nearly $10 a barrel.
Pumping mad at protest mom
According to the poll of 2,130 driving-age adults, conducted by Polltronics, Inc., 73% of Americans say that they think Cindy Sheehan is to blame for surging gas prices at the pump. Of that number, 31% said that Mrs. Sheehan bears all of the responsibility for the rising cost of gas, 26% said that the protesting mom deserves some of the blame and 18% said that she is partly responsible for sky-high gas prices. The remaining 25% believed that Mrs. Sheehan is to blame, but not for the high price of gasoline.
Who is to blame?
Pollsters then asked respondents to rank various individuals and groups according to the degree of blame they deserve for the recent surge in fuel costs. The list, read to participants in randomized order, included Mrs. Sheehan as well as illegal aliens, homosexuals, child molesters and Democrats. In each case, respondents said that they were more likely to blame Mrs. Sheehan for their woes at the pump than they were any of the other categories. Besides the protesting mom, illegal aliens and homosexuals were most likely to be fingered for the high cost of gasoline.
Prices 'through the roof' in Crawford
Drivers near Crawford, TX say that gas prices have shot up in the weeks since Mrs. Sheehan set up camp near the ranch where President George W. Bush is spending his 5 week vacation. According to Texasgasprices.com, a gallon of gas at one Chevron station in Waco is now $2.69. That's just 18 miles from where Mrs. Sheehan has been presiding over her anti-war protest for the past three weeks.
What would Cindy pay?
Although Cindy Sheehan may be the cause of soaring gasoline costs, she is not immune from feeling a pinch at the pump. The protesting mom is said to drive a vehicle notorious for its fuel inefficiency: the new Hummer H3, a super-size SUV that gets just 20 miles per gallon on the highway. The pink H3 was reportedly donated to Mrs. Sheehan by the activist group Code Pink, while her gas bill is paid by the notorious anti-bush philanthropist George Soros. 
How this Polltronics poll was conducted
Samples for Polltronics polls are random digit samples of telephone numbers selected using the "probability proportionate to size" method, which means numbers from across the country are selected in proportion to the number of voters in each state.
A computer selects the first eight digits of an actual working number and then appends a two-digit random number to produce a random-digit dial (RDD) sample. An RDD sample allows for contacting not only listed and unlisted numbers, but also households with new numbers.
In order to ensure a distribution of ages and genders within households, the interviewer selects the respondent by asking to speak to the adult with the next birthday. Quotas are applied to ensure the sample mirrors the proportions of voters nationally. Specifically, the aim is for a gender split nationwide of 53% female / 47% male, as well as regional quotas.
The RDD selected phone numbers are sent to the interviewers through computer-assisted telephone interviewing (CATI) software. Both the software and human supervisors monitor each step of the interviewing process. While calls are automatically dialed, the system does not use predictive dialing so prospective respondents always find a live interviewer when they answer their phone.
How much has Cindy Sheehan caused the price of gas to rise in your area? Talk back to deannaswift1@yahoo.com.
August 19, 2005 | Permalink | Comments (9) | TrackBack
August 18, 2005
Pro-Family Group Probes Bush Over Porno Picture
A pro-family group is demanding that President Bush remove a pornographic picture of Mr. Bush that has been making the rounds of gay web sites for weeks. The Coalition for Traditional Values, a conservative Christian organization that supports a return to a theocratic form of government, became aware of the xxx-rated picture after its chairman encountered it on a gay website.
Innocent web surfing leads to political fallout
WASHINGTON, DC—A pro-family group has issued a strong denunciation of President George Bush for appearing in a pornographic picture that has been making the rounds of gay websites for weeks. The Coalition for Traditional Values, a conservative Christian organization that promotes a return to the theocratic principles upon which this country was founded, recently became aware of the xxx-rated picture after its chief encountered it on a gay website.
Click if you're a conservative
Rev. Roy DeLong, the founder and chairman of the Washington-based Coalition for Traditional Values (CTV) says that he stumbled upon the steamy shot of President Bush being "serviced" by two other men while monitoring several gay websites as part of research he's conducting for a forthcoming book: Pink Picket Fences: Planning for a Gay America (Regnery, 2005). Explains Rev. DeLong: "It's important to get as close to this deviant life style as possible if you're really going to understand it." He declined to disclose the specific websites on which he encountered the picture on grounds of research-related privacy.
An uncomfortable position
Rev. DeLong made his displeasure known to the President in a late night phone call to Mr. Bush earlier this week. He refused to say what the two men talked about, but says that he's still pressing the President to meet with him in order to discuss the issue face to face. While other prominent conservative Christian groups including the American Family Association, Focus on the Family, and the Family Research Council have taken firm stands against pornography, Rev. DeLong and his organization are believed to be the only group that has gone on record against this particular example of pornography.
Hot, red, and ready
According to Todd Fox, the editor of the popular conservative website The Swift Report, the xxx-rated shot has been making the rounds of virtual gay watering holes for weeks. "It's not hard to see why this shot is so popular," says Fox, an ex-gay since 1998 who continues to keep a close eye on the gay community. "While kneeling before and unzipping the leader of the free world has been a gay fantasy for many, few have put into words the desire of being on the receiving end of the Rove Bush tag team."
Posed or au naturel?
Just how did get the sexy shot of the Commander in Chief make its way onto the websites of millions? Some beltway watchers surmise that Mr. Bush may have leaked it himself in order to boost his popularity among gay men, a constituency that has been less than hot for the President of late. Savvy politicos say that while Mr. Bush's right flank may have no love for the lavender set, the President himself has a soft spot for homosexuals dating back to his days (and nights) in the Dallas/Ft. Worth area. A shot of the President in a sympathetic pose, they say, may go a long way towards neutralizing the current anti-sodomy climate on Capitol Hill.
Take it off
This is not the first time that Rev. Roy DeLong and his Coalition for Traditional Values have butted heads with the President. In January, Rev. DeLong sent a letter to the White House warning that the inaugural attire of Mr. Bush's twin daughters was an affront to values voters. Earlier this year, Rev. DeLong criticized the First Lady after she made a series of jokes that he considered a threat to the President's masculinity.
Do you think that the President's pose is inappropriate for viewing by children under the age of 13? Talk back to russdarb@yahoo.com
August 18, 2005 | Permalink | Comments (3) | TrackBack
August 17, 2005
Democrats: Roberts Must Take Disposable Litmus Test
Senate Democrats have a new strategy they say will reveal the ideological leanings of Supreme Court nominee John G. Roberts: a disposable litmus test that will show his proclivities on issues from gay marriage to abortion--in less than a minute. While litmus tests have long been part of judicial confirmation hearings, this is the first time that a nominee will be subject to a disposable test.
Strong anti-homosexual leanings could reassure conservative Christians
WASHINGTON, DC—Senate Democrats are embarking on a new strategy to get to the bottom of the nominee's deeply-held personal beliefs. They want Judge Roberts to submit to a disposable litmus test, a do-it-yourself testing kit that will reveal the aspiring Justice's beliefs on hot button issues from gay marriage and abortion to property rights and the display of the Ten Commandments.
Litmus test results—in just seconds
Senators--and the team of liberal scientists who worked to develop the test--say that it provides a simple, effective and nearly instantaneous method of identifying an individual's deeply held personal beliefs. Judge Roberts will use the throw-a-way position predictor in the privacy of his home or chambers; results are indicated by the appearance of a red or blue line.
Out of the main 'stream'
"In the past, Senators have been forced to ask Supreme Court nominees questions, or worse, read through stacks of paper to get at what these people believe," explains lead scientist Simon Starkey, who modeled his disposable litmus tests on the drug tests now required by a growing number of employers. "But it makes sense that a nominee won't just hold his or her deeply held beliefs inside. He or she will excrete them too."
'P' is for politics
Starkey and his team have identified a total of seventeen key issues that are likely to make or break a nominee's confirmation chances, including abortion, the Ten Commandments, gay marriage, private property and evolution. A nominee with staunchly conservative views on these, for example, will produce strong red lines in each issue box, while a liberal nominee will produce strong blue lines. A Souter or Kennedy would likely produce the dotted lines of treachery. 
Looking beneath the robe
But the disposable ideology indicator will also reveal plenty about Judge Roberts' proclivities, those hard to measure lifestyle choices so important in today's values climate. Does he have homosexual tendencies, for instance? Might he have a proclivity to violate the Seventh Commandment, the Biblical ban on adultery, or the Tenth Commandment against covetousness? Most importantly, does Judge Roberts have tendencies that could lead him to become an activist judge, and if so, the right kind of activist judge?
"Obviously you don't want to confirm to the High Court someone who is ruling against gays by day but then engaging in furtive same-sex coupling when the sun goes down," explains Dr. Starkey. "This test is a way to prevent that from happening again." A strong negative rating on homosexuality could also reassure Mr. Roberts' conservative Christian backers who fear that his pro bono work on behalf of gay causes--and a late marriage--could be signs that the nominee is homosexual.
Go Roberts, Go
While litmus tests for Supreme Court nominees have been around for decades, this is the first time that a disposable litmus tests has been used to ferret out the deeply held personal beliefs of a nominee. Sources close to Mr. Roberts say that he has not yet decided where he will take the test, but that he is likely to select a private location and will share the results first with friends and family members.
August 17, 2005 | Permalink | Comments (0) | TrackBack
August 15, 2005
Justice Sunday Marred by Appearance of Satan
A telecast organized by conservative Christians to warn the
public about activist judges attracted an unwelcome guest: Satan. The
appearance by the Dark One left some audience members wondering if he
is a supporter of Supreme Court Nominee John G. Roberts, or if the many
mentions of sodomy perhaps lured him to the scene.
Some question: did nominee Roberts work pro bono for Beelzebub?
By Deanna Swift
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NASHVILLE, TN—It was supposed to be a high-profile appeal to the highest judge in the land: Him, the best-known opponent of activist judges and their blatant disregard for the will of the American people. Instead, Justice Sunday II attracted a figure from the other side of the good vs. evil divide: the Devil.
The unscheduled appearance by the Dark One left at least some audience members wondering if he had come to the Two River’s Baptist Church in Nashville to show his support for Supreme Court nominee John G. Roberts.
Who invited the Dark One?
The Devil, the chief spirit of evil and God’s main adversary, appeared early on in the evening’s program, just minutes after telecast organizer and Family Research Council president Tony Perkins, kicked off the event, sounding the initial alarm against activist judges. Event organizers note that the Devil, also known as Satan, was specifically not invited to Justice Sunday II, the subtitle of which was “God Save the United States and this Honorable Court.”
But show up he did, making his dark presence known with a dramatic silence that dragged on for nearly two minutes, causing some audience members to shift nervously in their seats.
A sudden silence and the Devil appears
“I kind of figured it was the Devil because all of a sudden the whole place went totally quiet,” says Constance Ditty, who traveled to Nashville from her home in Dover, PA, to attend the event. “And his eyes were flashing in a devilish way. That gave it away too,” says Ditty.
The Devil’s surprise appearance set off anything but panic, however. While the audience members may have experienced initial jitters at the sight of the master of Hell, that fear quickly paled in comparison with the evening’s real enemy: activist judges. A recent poll reveals that most Americans fear activist judges more than any other single threat, including toxic mold, illegal aliens, alien abduction or North Korea.
Pro bono for Beelzebub?
The Devil didn’t remain on stage for long; Justice Sunday organizers speculate that the life-sized Ten Commandments tablets that provided the set probably made him uncomfortable. And after he and his dark entourage swept away, organizers and audience members were left to speculate on precisely what drew the Dark One to the Nashville mega-church.
One possibility: Supreme Court nominee Judge John G. Roberts, known for supporting a number of dark causes in his lawyering days, may have done pro bono work for Beelzebub.
A shared interest in sodomy
Sources close to the Devil say that his appearance at the event was prompted by a much simpler reason: the prominent place of sodomy on the evening’s agenda. “It’s rare for him to find a group of people that are as fixated on sodomy as he is,” says a Satan spokesperson. “His hope was that with all of the talk about sodomy maybe a few people in the audience would say ‘what the heck? Why don’t I give it a try?’”
Which do you fear more, the Devil or activist judges? Talk back to Deanna Swift deannaswift1@yahoo.com
August 15, 2005 | Permalink | Comments (6) | TrackBack
August 13, 2005
Paula Abdul Cleared in 'American Idol' Terror Probe
A probe by federal agents has reportedly found no evidence that American Idol judge Paula Abdul was part of a planned terrorist operation. Sources close to the investigation say that agents, who were monitoring voicemail messages left for Ms. Abdul by former 'Idol' contestant Corey Clark phone calls under a provision of the Patriot Act, may have confused Ms. Abdul with suspected Jordanian terrorist Buelah Abdul.
The Patriot Act snares a celebrity
By Deanna Swift
WASHINGTON, DC—A probe by federal agents has reportedly found no evidence that American Idol judge Paula Abdul was part of a planned terrorist operation. Sources close to the investigation say that agents, who were monitoring voicemail messages left for Ms. Abdul by former 'Idol' contestan Corey Clark phone calls under a provision of the Patriot Act, may have confused Ms. Abdul with suspected Jordanian terrorist Buelah Abdul.
"I can't give you a lot of details," says the intelligence source. "But I can confirm that Paula Abdul is no longer being investigated as a suspected terrorist, and the voicemail messages that she left for Mr. Clark have been returned to him."
Paula no friend of Patriot Act
The FBI agents who conducted the top-secret investigation apparently confused the Hollywood A-list Abdul with her similarly named counterpart on the US terror list. They reportedly relied on roving wiretaps to monitor the lovebirds' conversations as well as to tape numerous voicemails left by Ms. Abdul for the 22-year-old Clark. Under the Patriot Act, passed in the weeks after September 11, 2001, the federal government may monitor the phone calls of individuals "proximate" to the primary person being tapped, in this case, Ms. Abdul.
Talk of 'judges' raises alarm
The intelligence source says that FBI agents believed that they had correctly targeted suspect Buelah Abdul because of the content of the conversations overheard between Ms. Abdul and Mr. Clark. Agents reportedly heard talk of 'silencing the judges,' leading them to believe that Ms. Abdul and the American Idol hopeful planned to target federal judges as part of a terror operations. Suggestions that Mr. Clark 'trim his beard in order to look more mainstream' also raised a red flag, as did references to a person or persons being "the bomb" or "bombing."
The suspicious terms and phrases used by the Ms. Abdul and Mr. Clark were automatically picked up by the National Security Agency's ECHELON program, a global surveillance operation that listens for key words used by terror suspects.
Was Paula profiled?
But when Buelah turned up in Amman, Jordan in February and was detained by police there, the FBI realized that they'd been after the wrong Abdul. Agents reportedly removed the wiretap from Ms. Abdul's phone and inadvertently returned the voicemail messages to Mr. Clark, who then sold them to ABC.
A spokesperson for the ACLU quickly condemned the incident, charging that Ms. Abdul was singled out because she is a prominent Arab-American. Ms. Abdul was recently featured in a brochure created by another prominent Arab-American, Casey Kasum, entitled "Arab Americans Making a Difference." "You have to understand that to the Bush Administration all Abduls are the same," says ACLU spokeswoman Lucy Travis. "Paula Abdul epitomizes what's great about this country. She's the star of a show that features amazing talent, where everyone has a fair shot at becoming famous. Isn't that really what America is all about?" 
What star on 'tap' next?
The number of court-authorized wiretaps in the US jumped by 19% in 2004, not counting the 1,754 court orders for terror-related investigations under the Foreign Intelligence Surveillance Act, like the one that entrapped Ms. Abdul. Ms. Abdul is the first star to be snared under the Patriot Act, the federal law that greatly expands the US government's ability to conduct surveillance operations on its citizens.
If Paula Abdul had been found to be planning a terrorist operation, would you still watch American Idol? Talk back to deannaswift1@yahoo.com.
August 13, 2005 | Permalink | Comments (3) | TrackBack
August 11, 2005
Cheers, Jeers, Papal Smears: Pope Benedict's First 100 Days (and Nights!)
It has been just 100 days since Pope Benedict XVI was selected to assume the leadership of the Catholic Church, but the new Pontiff has been anything but idle. Benedict nee Ratzinger has been busy issuing scathing criticisms or 'Papal smears' of people and acts. In this Swift Report exclusive, we take a look at some of Benedict's first condemnatas—and the individuals and acts that inspired them.
Some disappointed as Benedict reaches out to Jews
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VATICAN CITY—It seems like only yesterday that Pope Benedict XVI nee Ratzinger was trying on his long white gown for the first time. But time flies when the future of the family—if not the free world—is at stake. In this Swift Report exclusive we take you behind the scenes to take a look at the results of the first of Pope Benedict's "Papal smears,' the scathing criticisms or condemnatas that are at the very heart of the Papacy.
Divorcees
They may be at the heart of ABC's television lineup, but the new Pope has had nothing good to say about the divorcees who populate Wisteria Lane. In a lengthy, off-the-cuff speech to Italian priests earlier this summer, Pope Benedict singled out divorced Desperate Housewife Edie (Nicollete Sheridan) for harsh criticism, warning that if she remarries in the next season without getting an annulment, she will be ineligible to receive Communion.
Nudity
Pope Benedict XVI has said nothing that we know of about nudity in his first 100 days (and the Swift Report would never speculate as to what Benedict wears under his amiculum). But nudists it seems are wild for the new Pope. Since Joseph Ratzinger was elected to the Papacy last spring, visitors have been pouring into the Schuetzing Valley to see his former home and pay tribute to him wearing only the clothes that God gave them.
Harry Potter
The bespectacled wizard may be burning up bestseller lists the world over, but Mr. Potter has not found a friend in the new Pope. In a letter to one of Harry's arch-critics, Pope Benedict warned that spending too much time with the boy wizard could land young readers on the wrong side in the battle of good vs. evil. His is a subtle seduction, wrote Mr. Potter's sworn enemy in a letter to an ally, "which act unnoticed and by this deeply distort Christianity in the soul, before it can grow properly."
In vitro fertilization
Angie Harmon's new show "Inconceivable," in which the GOP babe plays an 'unconventional' fertility doc, has yet to hit the airwaves, but Pope Benedict's review is in: one big thumb way down. In a speech early this year, the new Pope denounced artificial procreation and in vitro fertilization, warning against technology "that does harm to the dignity of parents and children alike."
Pseudo matrimony
Some of the new Pope's harshest 'Papal smears' have been reserved for what he terms "pseudo matrimony," fake partnerships between couples including Jessica Simpson and Nick Lachey, J Lo and Mark Anthony and likely soon to include Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes. In his remarks, the Pope dismissed "free unions," "trial marriages" and celebrity "pseudo-matrimonies" as expressions of an anarchic freedom that wrongly passes for true freedom of man," he said.
Theory of relativism
While they share a common German heritage, the new Pope has had nothing guten to say about world-famous physicist Albert Einstein, widely reviled by the Vatican for his role in creating the now discredited Theory of Relativism. In recent marks, the Pope has added his voice to the fray, warning against a theory of the universe in which everything is relative, or nothing is morally better than anything else.
August 11, 2005 | Permalink | Comments (5) | TrackBack
August 10, 2005
Poll: Rove, Bush Deserve Same Benefits that Married Couples Have
According to a recent poll, a wide majority of Americans
believe that long-time companions President Bush and advisor Karl Rove
should have access to the same rights that married couples enjoy. Under
current law, Mr. Rove would be denied hospital visitation rights should
the President become ill. Nor could the two exercise the right to
refuse to testify against one another should legal troubles befall one
or both of them.
Legal limbo for a couple of more than 30 years
By Deanna Swift
WASHINGTON, DC—A new poll reveals that an overwhelming majority of Americans believe that President Bush and his confidante of more than 30 years should have access to the rights and privileges enjoyed by their married counterparts. Under current state and federal laws, with the exception of the gay state of Massachusetts, Mr. Bush and Mr. Rove are denied more than 1,000 rights afforded to married couples, including the right to visit one another in the hospital in the event of an emergency and the right to refuse to testify against one another should legal troubles befall one or both of them.
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'How can something so right be so wrong?'
According to the poll, 71% of Americans answered 'yes' to the question "Should President Bush and Karl Rove be able to enjoy the same benefits and responsibilities that married couples have?" Twenty-eight percent of Americans answered 'no.'
The poll was conducted by the Swift Report, a popular conservative Weblog that frequently covers gay issues of importance to the GOP. Earlier this year, the Swift Report released the results of another poll in which it ranked the most influential gay Republicans. In that survey, actor Charlton Heston narrowly beat out such party luminaries as Abraham Lincoln and J. Edgar Hoover for the honor of 'top' GOP gay.
America embraces a conservative couple
What accounts for the embrace of the long-time political partners, at a time when much of the GOP remains hostile to gay marriage in particular and to homosexuals in general? Swift Report founding editor Todd Fox, the author of the forthcoming self-help guide "Stumbling Down the Yellow Brick Road: An Ecumenical Ex-Gay Travel Journal," (Regnery) speculates that because the two men live their lives in the public eye, not in the closet, many Americans have come to accept their relationship.
"They're in the news day after day in a way that allows us to really celebrate their partnership, their closeness," says Mr. Fox. "And when we see that these two guys have been able to make it work for more than 30 years, I think that something in our heart-of-hearts says 'let's help them make it permanent. Let's help them go all the way.'"
A warm bath of affection—but trouble ahead?
But while the poll may signal the high regard—and the warm bath of affection—in which most Americans hold the relationship between Mr. Bush and Mr. Rove, the two still face a rocky road together given the current legal climate. For instance, should the two be embroiled in some kind of legal trouble, Mr. Rove could not refuse to testify against Mr. Bush. He would have that right were the two married, or afforded the rights of a married couple.
A love name made public
There may also be limits as to just how much the public wants to know about these long-time companions. Case in point: the recent revelation regarding Mr. Bush's nickname for Mr. Rove, "Turd Blossom," meaning a flower that sprouts upon cattle excrement in Texas or a term of endearment between two men. (Mr. Rove's nickname for Mr. Bush, "Texas Longhorn," a popular term of endowment, has been less well publicized.) When Mr. Bush's name for his companion appeared in newspapers across the country, several editors moved to strike the reference, maintaining that it was unsuitable for family publications.
The Roberts effect
Sources close to the couple also say that good old-fashioned jealousy could be taking a toll on the two. Mr. Rove is reportedly unhappy with President Bush's choice for the Supreme Court, ex-gay conservative John Roberts. Says one insider: "Karl is worried because George had been spending so much time with John, who frankly is younger and better looking than Karl is. Who wouldn't be a bit wary?"
August 10, 2005 | Permalink | Comments (5) | TrackBack
